The past few weeks have been a blur. My life has been spinning out of control and it is as if I am but a spectator as it flashes by me. It seems as though I have no control or input into the decisions are being made concerning my life, but ultimately have to live with the consequences of them. I feel like it’s a dream or movie that I’m seeing inside of my head, but that I have no idea as to what I’m suppose to do at any given moment. I know there is something there, just outside the reach of my subconscious, but I can’t get my brain to engage to give me the information for dealing with the circumstances or events as they transpire. Hopefully it is just a phase I am having to deal with and every thing will change and be OK when I wake up.
Over the last couple of months I have developed Tendinitis in my right wrist. This is from the overuse and over-stressing of the joint, along with the associated tendons, ligaments, and muscles. It has become problematic to pick things up, lift weights, have physical-therapy, or any thing else which means utilizing the wrist to accomplish. That pretty much includes my entire life of living in the chair. Sleep has even become elusive, with the wrist aching throughout the night. It’s almost like having Carpal-Tunnel Syndrome all over again, but I know I had that taken care of in 1999. My doctor sent me to an Occupational Therapist/Hand Specialist to see what could be done to help me. It’s not like I can just stop living so the wrist gets a chance to heal. That just ain’t going to happen. The Hand Specialist designed a splint to immobilize and support the wrist while I sleep, hoping I can at least take some of the strain off of it during the night. When I get up in the mornings my wrist is so weak from the splint doing all of the work and as soon as I start using it the pain comes back. In conjunction, my Physical Therapist ordered a new bariatrics walker, which will have forearm braces to rest my forearms on so all of my weight doesn’t rest on the wrists while I am up walking. It will be interesting to experiment with it to see if it will relieve the pressure and give my wrist a reprieve so it can heal. I have had to cut back on my wheelchair rolling, weight lifting, standing in the parallel bars, and exercises that cause my wrists to bear weight because I can’t deal with the pain and discomfort. They have also utilized electric stimulation, heat packs, ultrasound, massage, and ice to give me some relief. So, we’ll just have to see how things progress and hopefully I’ll get back to doing every thing I use to.
I have not really experienced much, if any, changes since my last post. The sensations in my feet have definitely gotten stronger, almost aching at times, but that is about the extent of the changes I have felt in the past month plus. Still no bladder or bowel sensation, and with that no real control of my bodily functions.
We continue to work on my walking gait and form. I have seen some improvement there, with the ability to get my heavier right leg to articulate forward and take a step. I’m still having to do a much larger, more powerful weight shift to the left side (than I do for a left-footed step) in order to accomplish this. But it seems to be easier and with a smoother motion. The only real hold-back, besides the pain in my wrist, has still been my inability to transition my hips forward so the weight is distributed down through and supported by my legs. I don’t know if I will ever be able to accomplish this as my spinal fusion is so restrictive to this forward hip-thrust. As of now, locomotion outside of the gym or home environment is non-existent. It takes way too much effort and I become too fatigued after a relative short distance of walking upright. Therefore, day-to-day movements are still done in my chair. I am still working on my stamina and strength, but those will only carry me so far. The dynamics of walking are much harder than anyone anticipated. Unless the muscles in my legs start to respond to the inputs from my brain and nerves and I begin to see some motor control of them, I don’t see much hope for future progress. If I could develop the sensations of knowing when I needed to go to the bathroom, I would be content and consider this experiment a success. Only more time will tell. Later.